by Noodle
Since it’s been 100 degrees for the last (dog) year, now is a good time to talk about swimming. I have noticed people attempting to swim many different ways, including on their back and by constantly going underwater. I have also heard that people are so stupid they can’t just jump in the pool, but they have to be taught how to swim!
Well, you can save your money on lessons, because this one’s free — the best way to move through the water is by furiously moving all four paws like you’re pedaling on a bike. This ensures that your head will never have to go under the water, so you can keep your eyes open for dogs to bark at. Also, it comes completely naturally! I never had a lesson, and yet with maximum effort I was able to move at least two feet per minute.
Next, I have heard the ladies complain about how they need to slim down to look good in a bathing suit. Don’t they know that just by going into the water, their body size will be cut in half? Check out my legs after going in the pool. They look like drum sticks!
That said, I would not necessarily recommend this activity over other options. If you are hot, I would instead suggest sleeping next to the air conditioning vent for 17-18 hours.
At first, I was upset that I wasn’t allowed to use the pool in my apartment complex, despite the fact that it’s clearly my territory and I mark the path around it 4-5 times a day in case there’s any question about ownership. But after swimming in someone else’s pool for 30 seconds, I realized that paddling for my life was not the most leisurely way to spend an afternoon. Next time, I’m claiming the mysteriously named pool noodle.
(Photo credits go to Aunt Celia!)
Laura
Harold
